The other day I found God. On Facebook. I bet you're surprised. I know that I was. I didn't even know that God had a computer.
I bet it's a Mac.
Anyway, I'm scared to look at God's Facebook page. I don't want my hair to turn white or for me to turn to salt or anything like that. I'm wondering, though, if God plays Bejeweled Blitz and I'm wondering if His score is higher than mine.
I hope not. I've spent hours building my high score. More than six days, that's for sure.
Actually, I don't know why I keep referring to God as "He." On Facebook, God designated His sex as Unknown. Interesting....... I thought God knew ALL things.
Or so I was told.
Every damn Sunday.
For years and years.
So, here's what's really got me scared ....what if God is getting ready to post another set of commandments and that is why He made a Facebook page?
I can hardly follow the original ten. I sure as hell don't need ten more!
And what do you think the new commandments would command? Might I suggest ......
1. Thou shalt not follow someone else's wife's Tweets -- unless of course, she was your high school/college girlfriend and you have located her through Classmates.com. Then, it's okay.
2. Thou shall not post the photos of other peoples children on Facebook without permission.
3. Thou shall not bid against your own auction to raise the price on EBay.
4. Thou shall not post anyone else's writing on your blog, especially if it begins with the words, "If my body were a car....."
5. Thou shall not Text and Drive.
6. Thou shall not Text and Sex.
7. Thou shall not Text and Drink.
8. Thou shall not do commerce with Ethiopian widows who want to deposit millions of dollars into your bank account.
9. Thou shall not Forward junk email to your friends.
10. Thou shall not text or chat or IM or Google at church.
Now those are some rules I can follow!
c2009 Linda S Amstutz